Day 130: Your life is not written in stone

Hiked with my girl today (Bella) at Tyler State Park. Went for a few hours, just wandering through the forest and finding creeks and rocks and mystical forest creatures :) We had a very good time. We also found a bridge with the most amazing words, phrases and quotes all over it. I'd like to name it the Inspiration Bridge. The quotes were wonderful and I took a few pictures of some of my favorite ones. Please enjoy, and maybe think about them a bit?

Day 129: Mothers and Daughters

I did a beautiful commissioned shoot with two extremely beautiful people today. A mother daughter pair: Colleen and Callie. They were a joy to work with, and even though I met them just today, they definitely snagged a small piece of my heart. Their love for each other was extremely apparent and shooting them was wondrous not only for the shots I got, but for the moments I was able to witness. Their relationship was a unique love that most parents can only wish to have with their children. Take a look at all the photos on my Facebook page :)

Day 128: Gigi's!! (gee-gee)

Babysat all day today.

Yee-uhh.

Not too exciting...

Day 127: Childhood and Happy Memories

Cleaned out everything I have ever owned today. I have never cleaned so extensively. I got a good amount of clothes to donate, and I also found a bunch of treasures, such as my bears/dogs/lions in the above picture :) I also found some of my favorite kiddie books of all time. I read them through and through, and it made me smile. I miss innocence.

I also went through the boxes from college that I haven't even gone through yet. I put away my winter gear for good, not knowing when I'll be able to wear it next, sadly. I almost cried putting away my ugly sweaters (above), which might be my favorite items of clothing minus my plaid shirts. I LOVE winter clothes. I don't know what I'm going to do in Savannah. I thought of all the good memories I have had in my winter clothes while in Utah. Goodbye winter, goodbye cold, goodbye mountains.

Day 126: Frustration

Everybody hurts, right? So why is so hard to accept that I hurt too?

Have you ever felt a complete emptiness in the pit of your stomach, or rather, your heart?

Would you rather love and be in pain, or never love at all? Right now I can only wish the latter. Pain isn't fun, and it doesn't make you feel worthwhile. It doesn't make you feel stronger, it only frustrates you down to your bones. Sometimes I drive around listening to one song on repeat, crying and swearing I'll give it all away, I'll give up my whole life if just to go back in time and say I love you. Because now it's too late. And now because I waited too long, I hurt. All over. 

Day 125: BOO-berries

Today we went on a treasure hunt. My Mom and I went searching for blueberries! Oh and did we ever find them :) It was pure bliss, and I wanted to run through the rows and rows of blueberry bushes laughing and smiling. We picked over nine pounds!! Nine pounds! It was a glorious day, full of good conversation and yummy vitamin B :) 

PS- Credit to JP for showing me the funniest blueberry video ever...you forgot the blueberries! Now I'm going to share it with all of you, if you haven't seen it yet!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Y

Day 124: Never Forever

Dear Van,

I love you. Dearly. It all began when I was a small kid, when you used to take us places, like school or soccer practice, or the park. Thanks for making it to Vermont and back numerous times without a problem. You traveled through snow and through heat-waves. You have been there for my family, creating a place where we could tell stories and laugh endlessly. You drove me and the family to the airport a multitude of times, sitting in the parking lot for weeks just waiting for us to return. Minus the "bee experience" (when I got stung by one bee six times while riding in the van with the windows open), I have never had a bad time while with you. It sounds corny, but you have lead me to realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some people might be mortified to drive a Chevy Astro, but I loved every second while driving you. You gave me time to think, and your volume always went high enough to drown out the times I didn't want to hear my own thoughts. You have been a place of comfort for me, a place where I always knew I could get away in. I have cried a combination of hours and hours while driving you, singing to sad songs while trying to figure myself out. You took me through high school, got me through high school even. Your presence will be missed by all who knew you. You were a crucial part of my childhood and growing up. Eddymobile, Box on Wheels, Green Machine, no matter what you were called, thank you for endless memories. Goodbye!

Love, Sam

Day 123: Wide Open

Tonight I went to see the Morman Tabernacle Choir with my parents and both sets of my grandparents. I willingly went, with nothing better to do on a Thursday and figured it could be interesting. It gave me time to think. About religion, for one, being a pretty religious concert. But another about everything I have been going through lately. So this post is dedicated to someone I hugely underestimated in my life: my Mom.

Tonight I talked to my Mom about things I never dreamed I could ever admit to her. I have been a Emmy-worthy actress my whole life, but tonight I laid my whole heart on the line. Mom, I'm sorry for everything I have put you through in the past. I'm sorry for yelling and screaming and saying I hated you and wanted to leave you forever. I forgive you for saying back equally nasty things in the spur of the moment. We didn't mean them. I was purely frustrated, primarily with myself. I have been holding in so much anger and pain my whole life, but I have also been holding in love. Mom, I love you and everything you have done for me. Thank you for being a Mom to me. Thank you for making my lunches even when I was a senior and running late to school. Thank you for providing me a safe place to go when the world was so scary. Thank you for helping me convince Dad that a dog was the best thing for our family. Thank you for loving your children no matter what we put you through. Thank you everything and anything. Thank you for being my best friend when I had no friends, even if I would never admit to you that you were even my friend. It meant the world to me, and it took me nineteen years to realize it. It's time for a change, a change of immeasurable size that will help me to realize what and who are around me, and also who is inside of me. Today marks a new day for me, and for the rest of my life. It's time to live with my heart wide open.

Day 122: Nothing feels like home, you're a 1000 miles away

As I sit on the back path watching the fireflies find their loved ones, I can only find frustration. I should feel so blessed, my life is a dream, yet some part of me can't see that, and won't accept it. I miss my best friends more then anything in the world too, and not being with them hurts more then anything. The fireflies light up the sky so perfectly, as do the stars that come out soon after. I guess I can only accept that even in the blinding darkness, the stars will always be there to light my path.

Day 121: SCAD

Okay so this is an old picture, and I'm totally probably breaking a 365 rule here, but, I'M GOING TO SCAD THIS FALL! I am officially transferring so I can chase down my dream of becoming a world famous photographer! Or really, just a happy photographer :) I made my decision today. I am accepting the incredibly generous scholarship I am being offered and accepting the invitation to play for the soccer team (yes, a sports team at an art school, how COOL is that?!). I am very excited, but will never, ever, in all my life, forget the AMAZING year I had at Utah :)

Day 120: Rainboots and Sunshine

Had a GREAT shoot today with my gorgeous cousins, Kenna and Maya. They're beautiful girls! Look at my photography page for more photos :)

Day 119: Almost heaven, West Virginia

I have fallen in love with the hills of Western PA and West Virginia. They're absolutely GORGEOUS. It makes me think of the Smokey Mountains in PA. I don't know what it is about those hills, whether it be the colors or just the simpleness, but it draws me to it. I never want to see a city again when I am driving down an old country road. 

Day 118: Hikes and Hike and Camping!

Love my girl!! :) Ain't she adorable?!

Day 117: Camping Day 2!

:)

Day 116: Tents, sleeping bags, and contentedness

(these posts are posted late because I didn't have internet connection all weekend)

Went camping with just the parents for the weekend!!

Had a fantastic time, and was able to truly relax for four whole days. Its weird, but even though I have nothing really to do at home, I can't actually relax, because I feel as if I need to be doing something at all times, otherwise I feel pretty lazy!

So we hiked, and hiked, and sat under waterfalls enjoying their powerful beauty, and we biked on bike trails, and ate ice cream, and sat around campfires discussing life and the regrets we regret having. 

Day 115: Graceful Feathers

Did a photoshoot with my lovely Grace today :)

The sun was definitely not as I hoped for, but the shoot still came out pretty good!

Day 113: Nothingness

let's just say that today wasn't great.

Day 112: Family Functions, so not normal

my grandmothers turned 21 today, don't cha know?!

just kidding...

today consisted of waking up a 4 am, getting on a plane, getting off a plane, setting up/cleaning for the party, then water balloons wand pond water fights. oh yes, this is my family.

Day 111: Fountains

Gosh I wanted to play in these fountains so bad. Why didn't I? Social etiquette? Civilization? Fear of being judged? Fear of looking like a pedophile? Not sure why I didn't but it could have been any of those reasons. Kind of disappointed me that I had to sit on a bench properly while inside I was squirming to run and play. Call me immature, but I will make a bet that a good amount of adults watching this as well wanted to go play. There's a kid inside all of us, and those who deny it deny themselves.

Day 110: SCAD-tacular

SCAD.

Savannah College of Art and Design.

Oh man, I have some decisions to make.

Day 109: GEORGIA

Savannah, Georgia, hello.

Day 108: Actually, some things are better left impossible

I have never been so stumped. I have sat for hours thinking on this photograph. This morning I woke up with the intention to do my 365 early on about love. But each time I sat down to figure out ideas, or went for a walk, or wandered around my house, I simply felt stumped. It wasn't that I was uninspired, oh no, my profession might as well be finding inspiration in the small things (actually, it soon will be...), but I was just too...well...inspired. I am full of this feeling of love. I can't describe it, I can't describe what it does to me. All I know is that I feel it. I feel it more then I have ever felt something in my entire life. And for once in my life, a photograph cannot capture it. A photograph, nor words, can describe it. It's just there. 

Day 107: Self-Imposed

Everything I do to myself, is self-imposed. I know that sounds silly, cause it's kinda obvious, but I feel as if it is hard for some of us to understand. Every choice we make, reflects something about who we are. There is no wrong choice (except maybe on a multiple choice test...) because each and every choice eventually leads to some sort of lesson. That lesson might take you days, months or even years to realize, but eventually you realize it. And eventually, you are happy for the choice you made, and the fact that you have the freedom to make that choice. 

Day 106: LOVE

"Dad, Dad, Dad, I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!!!''

Day 124: Never Forever

Dear Van,

I love you. Dearly. It all began when I was a small kid, when you used to take us places, like school or soccer practice, or the park. Thanks for making it to Vermont and back numerous times without a problem. You traveled through snow and through heat-waves. You have been there for my family, creating a place where we could tell stories and laugh endlessly. You drove me and the family to the airport a multitude of times, sitting in the parking lot for weeks just waiting for us to return. Minus the "bee experience" (when I got stung by one bee six times while riding in the van with the windows open), I have never had a bad time while with you. It sounds corny, but you have lead me to realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some people might be mortified to drive a Chevy Astro, but I loved every second while driving you. You gave me time to think, and your volume always went high enough to drown out the times I didn't want to hear my own thoughts. You have been a place of comfort for me, a place where I always knew I could get away in. I have cried a combination of hours and hours while driving you, singing to sad songs while trying to figure myself out. You took me through high school, got me through high school even. Your presence will be missed by all who knew you. You were a crucial part of my childhood and growing up. Eddymobile, Box on Wheels, Green Machine, no matter what you were called, thank you for endless memories. Goodbye!

Love, Sam

Day 105: Thunk.

Today, I thunk.

In other words, today I walked my perfect (!) dog, Bella, and we walked and walked and walked, and thought. We thought a lot. Bella thought about ducks and squirrels and rocks, while I thought about my life, and who I am. I figured out a lot. I figured out that I don't treat myself properly. I don't respect myself in the tiniest way, and I never have. I have so much awe for the things around me, and how perfectly wonderful they are. I am surrounded by superb people, breathtaking landscapes and ultimate happiness. Yet because of something inside of me, pure happiness in the long term is hard to achieve. 

Day 104: fields.

...

Day 103: Able to feel the grass between my toes

...finally.

it's actually not nine billion degrees outside.

sheesh.

ps, I ran a 5k today! Girls on the Run! With my little cousin Maya! She did beautifully, and came in second from her school!

Day 102: Stuck...

...inside.

no, i refuse to walk outside when it is 95 degrees outside. that is not right. humans were not meant to be in 95 degree weather. it's unsafe, it's unhealthy, it's un-fun. Nope. I cannot stand it. In other words, I'm going to Georgia next week!!!!

...i'll let you ponder the irony of this blog post.

(ps, that's why this is a fake flower, because it's TOO HOT to go see real flowers outside...)