Day 123: Wide Open

Tonight I went to see the Morman Tabernacle Choir with my parents and both sets of my grandparents. I willingly went, with nothing better to do on a Thursday and figured it could be interesting. It gave me time to think. About religion, for one, being a pretty religious concert. But another about everything I have been going through lately. So this post is dedicated to someone I hugely underestimated in my life: my Mom.

Tonight I talked to my Mom about things I never dreamed I could ever admit to her. I have been a Emmy-worthy actress my whole life, but tonight I laid my whole heart on the line. Mom, I'm sorry for everything I have put you through in the past. I'm sorry for yelling and screaming and saying I hated you and wanted to leave you forever. I forgive you for saying back equally nasty things in the spur of the moment. We didn't mean them. I was purely frustrated, primarily with myself. I have been holding in so much anger and pain my whole life, but I have also been holding in love. Mom, I love you and everything you have done for me. Thank you for being a Mom to me. Thank you for making my lunches even when I was a senior and running late to school. Thank you for providing me a safe place to go when the world was so scary. Thank you for helping me convince Dad that a dog was the best thing for our family. Thank you for loving your children no matter what we put you through. Thank you everything and anything. Thank you for being my best friend when I had no friends, even if I would never admit to you that you were even my friend. It meant the world to me, and it took me nineteen years to realize it. It's time for a change, a change of immeasurable size that will help me to realize what and who are around me, and also who is inside of me. Today marks a new day for me, and for the rest of my life. It's time to live with my heart wide open.