Thursday, August 4, 2011

Day 158: Pain and Alone


So much pain it's like I can't breathe.
I feel so much fear for so many things. I'm terrified of my own life.
Today I found out a lot.
Even though my pain I have the ability to open up to love and compassion.
Because I want to live.

Turn to a entry in your journal from more then a year ago. What has changed and what has stayed the same since then?
Well let's see. Last year at this time I was naive. More then I ever knew. I knew nothing about anything. I still don't know much, but I know more. I was blissfully unaware and well, happy. I was so excited about Alaska and going to Utah and everything was right. But things change. I changed. Who I am has changed beyond recognition. I think I have matured more then most people my age. I'm not going into detail, but I feel so much stronger now. Scared, terrified and small, but never weak. I don't want to be naive again. As scary as it is to be on shaky ground, it's freeing. It frees your soul and your life to be so scared. To face your fears allows you to develop and eventually (I hope), blossom. 

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