Jersey shore!
A place I have always loved, despite the overcrowded population of beach-goers, the polluted water, and the lack of waves. It was a childhood place that I have millions of great memories of.
I went back today for the first time in two years. Two years! A place I visited multiple times every year has become a place I barely recognize because I haven't been there in years.
But it was still the same old, same old:
family, pushing each other out of the intertube, laughing like a hyena and not being able to breathe, teasing (lots of teasing...), walking down to Corson's Inlet Point and going out on the sandbar, amazing lunches that are only average when you're anywhere but the beach, absolutely no sitting still for eight straight hours, digging for sandcrabs, digging a hole for no apparent reason or just to play in, and more laughing.
I love the beach, and as sad as it is, and as much as it relates to the rest of my life: it's time to move on.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do later if you changed your mind?
Alright look. I've got minimal self-confidence right now. Minimal. Tiny. Miniscule. Practically non-existent. And as much as I want to go on and on and on about my outer and inner appearance, I have to believe I'm getting somewhere. I have to believe that all these traits I believe to be flaws right now are traits that will help who I am in some way, shape or form, and help me to come out to the person I am meant to be. It might be years until I like myself, and years until I know a little bit about myself, but I am going to consistently tell myself that this is who I am, or this is a trait that's going to change me into who I am going to be. Everything is changing, and if I seriously find a trait of mine to be irksome and absolutely negatively affecting me I hope I can have the willpower to know this and attempt to change it. As many times I have cried myself to sleep, and as many times as I have just wanted to simply be someone else, I have to realize that this is all part of who I am becoming. It's so hard, and so scary, and about 50% of my day I spend wishing I could just push it all away. But the other half of me realizes that instead of pushing these characteristics of myself and all my fears, I have to invite them into my head as a friend. It's part of me, it's part of life, and as much as it sucks to go through, I'm going through it. So I don't want to change anything about myself right in this very moment. I'm evolving so much that if I could change one thing, I'll end up being a different person.
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